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G(R)AND MASTI: Review              Only for adults with a mental age of 18 years and above. Females, read at your own risk

Yes, the R in Grand is kept in brackets purposefully. The movie has that, exactly. Welcome to the laugh-riot indecent sleaze comedy fest. Sleaze but no sex. And I LOVED IT. It was like a buffet of my most loved dishes.  That ‘yummy’.

Grand Masti

Grand Masti

A for ass and not for apple. B for boobs and not for ball. C for, well, leave it, and not for cat (and its not condom). The first thing a ‘normal’ guy does in a new college is have a glance at the gals there. If a skimpily clad chick is around you in a shopping mall, one would resist hard not ogling at but eventually will ‘check’ her out. A guy in the age group of 18-28 will always be thinking of copulating once a day when skin show goes around him. Hormones cause extra blood flow and the spongy tissue gets activated. Now, when in real life this happens and is perfectly fine, why cry hoarse when happening in reel life?

The real problem with these kinds of movies are 99% people who publicly abhor and badmouth them might like them in private/close knit group but have to disown the emotions, thanks to the social stature they represent. They would love American Pie and their favorite edition would be Beta House but still would say ‘cheapu’ to Desi Bollywood. Well, I write my heart out. So, thankfully, I do what I love to do!

Coarse. Crude. Lewd. Unrefined. Cheap. Call it anything! A cent percent guy’s movie. Vulgarly hilarious. Mind-blowing awesome. Full of ‘cheap’ acts which you would have enjoyed in college and may be still enjoy but won’t reveal it to all, lest your social image tumbles. But contemporary. Thanks to the painstakingly wonderfully written one-liners which would make you laugh till your stomach hurts. Aches. And tears roll from your eyes!

I was confident not to give in the temptation to watch this ‘dirty’, ‘chi-chi’, ‘vulgar’, ‘cheap’ movie, forget reviewing. But when I heard people around me were too curious to know how the movie is, I thought: that’s it. I am going to watch it with a straight face, won’t laugh at sick non-veg jokes and will walk out mid-way claiming vulgarity. That was my plan. But I was surprised to see the theater house-full, with even girls and ladies and families (no kids) which I never expected. So what I am penning down is a mixed reaction of mine plus the crowd around me. So don’t brand me as a ‘tharki’ post reading this!

Our three guys from the original Masti, released years ago, are still ‘hard’ and ‘itching’ to get laid. Vivek, Aftab and Ritesh don the role of college students first and then sexually frustrated husbands who, unable to get physical satisfaction from their loving, gorgeous wives, go babe-hunting in their college reunion. They meet their fantasies and well, as each rose has a thorn, they try not to get pricked and still enjoy the fragrance!

Every single cast has acted well here. If not through acting itself, then by showing off their ‘important’ assets. Six gorgeous ladies who show more skin and less clothes ensure that not a moment in the movie bores you. Manforce condoms was an associate sponsor: I wouldn’t have been surprised even if Viagra was! Yes, lots and lots of cleavage would make you wonder whether the movie was given an A or an AAA! Pradeep Rawat, the original Mahabharat’s Ashwatthama and the recent Ghajini (yes, Aamir was not Ghajini in that movie, this guy was), plays the perfect anti-womanizer Principal and an encyclopedia of ‘famous sentences of famous people’, with a quote at his every appearance. Again, all the chicks are worth looking, hmm, ogling at.

The best part of this movie is that the supposedly-vulgar scenes are not there just for name-sake, like you would see in Rascals. I didn’t find a single scene out of place to be frank. The scenes are there to make the situation hilarious but with a sexual angle to it. Well, that is mostly what a guy has in his head, so why deny it now? Bollywood movies are supposed to be enjoyed and relished, keeping your logic aside and your rationale at home. So is with this movie. You don’t question how come a Russian model is in a two piece bikini in a University in Baroda, right, and that too as a student! Enjoying the scenes as they come and not being conscious of what the guy next to you would think if you laugh is the ideal way to savor this 135 minutes laugh-riot. Don’t worry, chances are he too would be laughing his ass off.

Every single dialogue has words rhyming to give a porno/sexual touch, may be sounding cheap but extremely enjoyable. A compilation would make an excellent ‘forward’ for WhatsApp and share on FB as poetry. The background score and Ritesh’s comic actions would make you clap hands at times. Mind you, there are scenes which you would have exactly contemplated doing at some stage in your life or seen someone in your friend circle doing it or thinking aloud.

All the words you have blacklisted as bad and their synonyms and desi equivalents are used abundantly and that is exactly where it touches the chord. What you think/see around you is there on the screen. Bingo!!!

Yes, there are couple of dialogues which may seem obscene, like the chick with ample cleavage shown saying ‘meri do doodh ki factories hai’ but I strongly believe, movies are scripted and adapted from society. These things exist among us, and the director has merely attempted to showcase it nicely. Denying things doesn’t stop them from existing!

The latter part of the second half might seem slightly slow compared to the fast paced initial scenes, which was the only complaint I had. When the songs came, I was too engrossed ‘seeing’ the songs than hearing, so can’t comment on it. And mind you: there is NO sex in the entire movie!!!

Not to watch: Well, if you are a high bred social animal who always filters words before it goes into your ears, seriously takes India’s National Pledge of ‘All Indians are… my sisters’, have never abused in Hindi, never called a girl ‘maal’ amongst your friends, then even reading this review is a ‘paap’ for you.

Well, I unfortunately went alone but still had a whale of a time. Especially because almost everyone in the hall was bursting into peals of laughter whenever a ‘non-veg’ liner came up. Go with your friends (I wouldn’t ever suggest family) and relive college time once again. Guaranteed experience of real G®and Masti!!!

Did anyone say the movie is essentially cheap? Come on now, even the Rupee has become cheap now, would you abandon using it???

4/5   Worth every single penny you spend.

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